someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
