i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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