It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
