I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
