update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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