I feel great
I just peed on a car
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
