can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
