Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
