I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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