also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've blown a few things in my day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
