i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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