I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
