whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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