Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
