there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize