Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
