I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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