dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
pray to the hookup gods
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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