I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Too much gin, very little bucket
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
