your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
