hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
