the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
