so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The adults are the big ones right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
