why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize