I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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