remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
