Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
