what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just google imaged poop.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
