How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
