I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
