What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
