Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
