Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
