think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
