everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
