He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just forgot I was standing up.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
