so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
