Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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