So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Someone signed my nipple.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
