I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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