As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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