girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
