I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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