Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize