Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
