oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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