i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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