I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
