did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize