How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
