Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
