I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
