he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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