in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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