Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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