Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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