Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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