Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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