Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
