WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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