i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize