I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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