I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
