Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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