so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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