I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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