I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
