What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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