Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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