what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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